A Week Like Trump’s Hair: Very Fake & Fairly Flammable
Some weeks the news doesn’t just break, it tosses a Molotov cocktail and dares you to look away! This…was one of those weeks.
The show kicked off with a courtroom confrontation that could only happen in modern America.
ICE agents were verbally demolished by a Jamaican-American woman in a New York courthouse after they snatched her relative. She lets them have it.
The full monty.
No filter, no apologies, an oral, rocket-propelled piss-missile of pure righteous fury.
The kind of real anger at an actual injustice. Unlike, say, JD Vance fake and transparently absurd pretense he’s a victim of the media, or trans community, or 17-minute version of In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida.
You can practically hear Lady Liberty slow-clapping from the harbor.
I mean, this woman didn’t just speak truth to power; she screamed it into their almost-always-masked, fear-factor f*king faces like a freedom-loving banshee.
I’ve seen plenty of passionate anger at the group of the deep-fried galoots known as ICE before, but this was some Shakespearean sh*t. A thing of beauty and so well deserved.
Then, because we may not rest too long in the land of moral clarity, we tumble headfirst into the Epstein files. You know, the (alleged) Trump-teen-loving scandal that refuses to die, unlike farms owned by MAGA voters.
Trump calls it a “Democrat hoax,” which is funny coming from a guy whose own party has more people sweating from this story than the Chinese spy and bed-bug-filled Mar-a-Lago sauna in August.
The Epstein victims are finally getting traction. Lobbying GOP lawmakers so effectively, that one Republican admitted the vote to release the files will be a “jailbreak.”
Translation: expect some very nervous right-wingers to start pretending they’ve “always supported transparency.” And when asked about Trump to say they met him once briefly, but don’t really know him that well.
Meanwhile, Grindr spokesman and House Speaker Mike Johnson is still blocking Adelita Grijalva, who was elected to Congress from Arizona nearly two weeks ago, from being sworn into the House.
This is because she’ll be the 218th signer—and final one the House needs—on a discharge petition to go around Squeaker Johnson and force a vote to release the Epstein files.
Little Mike’s excuse? “She doesn’t know how it works around here.”
This is where we stop to tell the cowering, callow, fake-Christian pip-Speaker to do his GD job.
There are only so many cloak rooms to hide in to avoid this vote, pal. Stop sabotaging your country. A reckoning is coming.
Even Marjorie Taylor Greene, yes, that one, has found herself on the same side as Democrats. She is demanding truth and transparency around the Epstein files.
And supporting opening the government and funding Obamacare subsidies.
When MTG becomes your moral compass you know you’ve entered the Tom Petty video for “Don’t Come Around Here No More,” or the story about that Alice lady it’s based on.
And just when you think the GOP’s moral basement has reached seventh circle, we learn that there’s still a Trump staffer hanging around the Administration who used to be in a group chat that literally called rape “epic.”
Oh and praised Hitler. Yes, that very same one. The “Young Republicans” just might need a rebrand.
May I suggest “Future Defendants of America?” Or how about this, with their belief system, such as it is, maybe they skip in-between phases and just start taking video of their training sessions climbing monkey bars right now?
Ya know, for the invasion of “war ravaged” Portland.
In any case, we close with an AI remix of a Nazi-era tune-turned-Trump anthem, because why not?
If the world’s on fire, we might as well sing a song together, my friends.
Stay angry, stay amused, and as always—keep laughing through the madness.
Schuster out.
BAM!
