MORE TERRIBLE NEWS FOR ELON MUSK: The Dirty Little Secret "Freaking Him Out"

“Chippin’ around, kick my brains ‘round the floor / These are the days — it never rains but it pours …” - Queen & David Bowie

Blue Letter: Elon-Total Dope or Ketamine Cracked?…Both?

Elon Musk’s life right now is much like a Tesla—the wheels have come bouncing off, the steering wheel detached mid-turn and the recall notice was tweeted out by a Nazi who’s committed two armed robberies since Trump pardoned him for January 6th.

The man once hailed as a real-life Tony Stark is now more like a Bluetooth Roomba with a God complex. He’s going in circles, crashing into walls, demanding the walls apologize for disrespecting his expertise on the mating habits of an African swallow.

Meanwhile, Tesla stock’s circling the drain—down over 50% since mid-December at today’s open and boycotted the world over—his cybertrucks are being recalled—ALL—& his top Tesla investor just publicly told him to step down as CEO lest he continue to light the company on fire with the late-stage Howard Hughes + Pol Pot performance art.

And then there’s the dirty little secret nobody wants to talk about: He’s so over-leveraged, w/ his idiotic purchase of that Nazi megaphone—Twitter. Ya see, he used Tesla shares as collateral, so if Tesla keeps crashing, it’ll be “Margin Call, Line 2.” This could seriously happen to the bigoted MAGA harridan! Which makes the word of the day in Mr. Schecter’s neighborhood, boys and girls, “liquidated.”

It’s Not Just Business. It’s Personal

Elon’s personal life? A rocket wreck powered by delusion & Apartheid-emerald mine fumes seemingly stored in his frontal lobe. His daughter just called him a "pathetic man-child" and said she doesn't know how many siblings she has—b/c Elon’s family tree is less tree and more broken-fire hydrant producing to-be-neglected offspring.

Regular Republicans, once fanboys, are now chanting “Deport Elon” at town halls. And when you’ve lost red-state rage addicts, it’s safe to say your charm offensive has fallen off quicker than a Cybertruck panel (seriously, the panels are “glued” on? You can…just pull them off? Great f-ing car! And I’m not even talking bout how it looks like the product of two dumpsters that forgot to use birth control).

Here’s the kicker: he still thinks he’s the victim! In his infinite lack of self-awareness—the only thing expanding faster than his child support payments—Musk says he’s “a nice guy” who’s treated people “really well.” Uh-huh. Also Idi Amin. And The Riddler.

This man silences dissent, cheers on bigots and treats employees like disposable USB drives. He thinks it’s all a conspiracy—Wall Street, the media, the deep state, Martian Manhunter, his own children, the ghost of William Jennings Bryan, Jimmy Kimmel—a grand unified plan by all of us to be mean to Elon. No, buddy. People don’t hate you because of a secret cabal. They hate you because you’re a black-hearted, doge-mouthed, Himmler reenactment who’s bad at everything except getting worse.

Elon Musk is what happens when you give a Reddit thread about Ayn Rand a hundred billion dollars and no adult supervision. He could’ve gone down as a visionary, we’d all have fallen for tech-press-myth creation. Instead, he’ll be remembered as the guy who made a truck that looks like two dumpsters humped, a rocket that can’t land and a social media platform that makes Truth Social look like the Library of Alexandria. I’ve never seen someone set fire so quickly to their bullshit, un-earned genius reputation.

Well done, numb nuts

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…OTHER STORIES WE’RE WATCHING

• I guess Trump hasn’t destroyed enough segments of our economy yet, so we’re going for tourism! A Brit, Rebecca Burke, was traveling through the U.S., chronicling her trip on Instagram, when told by U.S. officials she didn’t have the right visa to enter Canada from the U.S. So she was prevented from entering Canada. But she ALSO wasn’t allowed back in the U.S., instead detained by ICE for NINETEEN DAYS. Her father claimed she was chained like “Hannibal Lecter.” F-ing brilliant humanity & PR, Trump! Now we have the inevitable result:

• In Monday’s Blue Letter we told you how Trump ordered illegal deportations to El Salvador & Venezuela that ignored judicial rebuke. We were assured by Trump—& just supposed to take the word of the truth-wrecking jabberwocky—that they were dangerous gang members. Well, here’s why one man was deported:

  From Matt Shuham at HuffPost: “The Trump administration expelled a professional soccer player to El Salvador based on a tattoo that paid homage to soccer club Real Madrid.” They said it was a gang tattoo. This is the level of callousness & stupidity we’re dealing with, folks. I know you know this, but don’t accept “their word.” EVER.

• Feels like time for another quick kitty break! Here’s Rocky, at the end of a long week and getting we need a serious break this weekend

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…VIDEO ON DEMAND, PAID SUBSCRIPTIONS & SCHEDULING!

Speaking of Elon Musk, David Shuster gives us a view of what it’s like for Republican members of Congress defending cuts to vital programs such as Medicaid & Veterans’ assistance by the putrid, Putin-snorting, keta-brained goon. It. Did. Not. Go. Well.

WATCH!

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