My daughter is an OBGYN. She suggests parents encourage their daughters to have an IUD installed before attending college, especially, if they are in a red state with a ban on reproductive rights. It protects them so they have choices. Either that or attend college in a state where there are protective laws for reproductive health choices.
This is just so sad and infuriating. But Illinois is very nice! (I'm from Chicago.)
I cried reading this article. I was in college pre-Roe and my fellow yearbook photo co-editor got pregnant and had to go to NYC for an abortion. I'll never forget how traumatic that was for a lot of us.
It infuriates me every day. The other night I was at a club for local band concert. A guy I know came in with his 17-year-old daughter and her friend and stopped to chat. The girls were so nice and friendly and engaging, and I found myself depressed thinking about the unnecessary obstacles these terrific young girls are facing because some weak old men are scared about not being in charge all the time.
You forced her to take physics? How insanely cruel! Luckily, I was able to skip it, although I did of my own volition sign up for chemistry, a really bad choice after the teacher learned both my parents were chemists — and I had zero aptitude for it. I wish I'd done what my artistic sister did — insist on taking the state minimum of math and science, and filling in her major credits with four years of two languages.
Two years of physics! I didn’t force it specifically, but it’s the curriculum at her school.
Once section I cut from the essay—she has her worst grade in physics. But her letter of recommendation for college? Her physics teacher wrote it. There’s no question how her grit matters. 💜
One thing I've learned over many years is the importance of letting kids find their own interests and talents. My sister went through a process! Our high school counselor told her she was too bright to go to art school and should consider being a nuclear physicist. She HATED math and science and did everything to avoid them. My dad wanted her to go to a liberal arts school first. She got him to let her apply to one art school along with four liberal arts colleges (kids didn't apply to 30 schools in those days). She researched the most selective liberal arts schools hoping to get turned down but was accepted at all four and turned down by the art school. She said she wanted to go to the most expensive one. My dad said fine. She lasted one semester, came home, worked for half a year and went back to the then-new branch of our state U (Illinois/Chicago). At the end of the year, she told my parents she'd applied to and been accepted at the School of the Art Institute of Chicago. At that point, they gave in, and that's where she graduated from. She discovered cooking while in grad school at the University of Chicago, and had a long career as a chef and restaurant owner. She recently retired and is still pursuing her passion for cooking every time we get together.
Unfortunately, I had no grit or confidence as a teenager, so I probably wouldn't have survived two years of physics intact. I went to a woman's college because our high school culture was so male-dominant in terms of boys automatically getting all the leadership roles. It was the best move I ever made. While clubs and activities can now be run by women, the climate as far as their personal bodily autonomy and the attitude of certain men has gotten so much worse. The whole "incel" thing where some men think they have a right to access women's bodies is really scary. When you look at mass shootings in the U.S. most are driven by either right-wing politics or misogyny — or often, both.
I respectfully disagree. I'm sure unintended; however, your reply reads as a bit judgemental. As Dana explains, it was required by her rigorous high school curriculum, and, in the end, served her well (as do most challenges in life).
The hardest lesson I learnt as a parent is to trust that I did a good job and prepared my daughter to face the world. Her first year of Uni she lived at home, she studied what I wanted which was science, but she hated it and just barely scraped by. Towards the end of that year she informed me she wanted to transfer to Arts and do a BA. She also wanted to go to a different Uni, still in our province but a different city. My parenting skills rapidly became my focus, did I give her the tools to make good personal decisions when I wasn't there to pick up the pieces? Was she really ready to be farther away from me and face her own life and make her own decisions? Would she let me know when she needed me, did she know she never had to face anything alone?
Today she is a grown up at 32. She made the dean's list for her BA, then she went to Toronto, very far from our maritime home, and did a masters degree. After being away for nearly 2 years she came home and did a third degree.
She has become a strong and independent woman who I respect as much as I love. I've learnt to trust that I daughter her and prepared her for the world of adulthood and I don't second guess her decisions about her life.
My point is, we all doubt we have done enough as parents to prepare our kids for what they will face in the world, but most of us realize we did a good job, and we can relax. No matter where our children end up, we will always worry about them, it's a side effect of loving them as much as we do. But our kids learn to be responsible for their own choices. As mom's we know we will always be there for them, and as long as they know this, they will do what's right for them because they know they have our support.
I wish your daughter a wonderful future and I hope she enjoys university. When it's over, real life begins and it can be brutal. Just make sure she know you will always have her back and be there to support her and she will be fine. 🤗😊
My daughter is an OBGYN. She suggests parents encourage their daughters to have an IUD installed before attending college, especially, if they are in a red state with a ban on reproductive rights. It protects them so they have choices. Either that or attend college in a state where there are protective laws for reproductive health choices.
Yep 💜
This is just so sad and infuriating. But Illinois is very nice! (I'm from Chicago.)
I cried reading this article. I was in college pre-Roe and my fellow yearbook photo co-editor got pregnant and had to go to NYC for an abortion. I'll never forget how traumatic that was for a lot of us.
Oh my god I’m so sorry. I know this awaits my daughters or their friends and I’m gutted about it. 😢
It infuriates me every day. The other night I was at a club for local band concert. A guy I know came in with his 17-year-old daughter and her friend and stopped to chat. The girls were so nice and friendly and engaging, and I found myself depressed thinking about the unnecessary obstacles these terrific young girls are facing because some weak old men are scared about not being in charge all the time.
Yep 💔
Consider sending her overseas. Give her the future she deserves. America is finished
We’re considering it…
Powerful post. Thank you for describing this all too common scenario for young women and the parents of young women in our current environment.
Thank you Victoria—I super appreciate your kind words. 💜
You forced her to take physics? How insanely cruel! Luckily, I was able to skip it, although I did of my own volition sign up for chemistry, a really bad choice after the teacher learned both my parents were chemists — and I had zero aptitude for it. I wish I'd done what my artistic sister did — insist on taking the state minimum of math and science, and filling in her major credits with four years of two languages.
Two years of physics! I didn’t force it specifically, but it’s the curriculum at her school.
Once section I cut from the essay—she has her worst grade in physics. But her letter of recommendation for college? Her physics teacher wrote it. There’s no question how her grit matters. 💜
One thing I've learned over many years is the importance of letting kids find their own interests and talents. My sister went through a process! Our high school counselor told her she was too bright to go to art school and should consider being a nuclear physicist. She HATED math and science and did everything to avoid them. My dad wanted her to go to a liberal arts school first. She got him to let her apply to one art school along with four liberal arts colleges (kids didn't apply to 30 schools in those days). She researched the most selective liberal arts schools hoping to get turned down but was accepted at all four and turned down by the art school. She said she wanted to go to the most expensive one. My dad said fine. She lasted one semester, came home, worked for half a year and went back to the then-new branch of our state U (Illinois/Chicago). At the end of the year, she told my parents she'd applied to and been accepted at the School of the Art Institute of Chicago. At that point, they gave in, and that's where she graduated from. She discovered cooking while in grad school at the University of Chicago, and had a long career as a chef and restaurant owner. She recently retired and is still pursuing her passion for cooking every time we get together.
Unfortunately, I had no grit or confidence as a teenager, so I probably wouldn't have survived two years of physics intact. I went to a woman's college because our high school culture was so male-dominant in terms of boys automatically getting all the leadership roles. It was the best move I ever made. While clubs and activities can now be run by women, the climate as far as their personal bodily autonomy and the attitude of certain men has gotten so much worse. The whole "incel" thing where some men think they have a right to access women's bodies is really scary. When you look at mass shootings in the U.S. most are driven by either right-wing politics or misogyny — or often, both.
I respectfully disagree. I'm sure unintended; however, your reply reads as a bit judgemental. As Dana explains, it was required by her rigorous high school curriculum, and, in the end, served her well (as do most challenges in life).
I read the “insanely cruel” with tongue in cheek, or at least in good spirit. But I appreciate you defending my parenting! 💜
Good luck to your daughter! You have been very conscientious about her wellbeing and about things she needs to know while she is away at school.
Thank you! I’m trying… 😊
The hardest lesson I learnt as a parent is to trust that I did a good job and prepared my daughter to face the world. Her first year of Uni she lived at home, she studied what I wanted which was science, but she hated it and just barely scraped by. Towards the end of that year she informed me she wanted to transfer to Arts and do a BA. She also wanted to go to a different Uni, still in our province but a different city. My parenting skills rapidly became my focus, did I give her the tools to make good personal decisions when I wasn't there to pick up the pieces? Was she really ready to be farther away from me and face her own life and make her own decisions? Would she let me know when she needed me, did she know she never had to face anything alone?
Today she is a grown up at 32. She made the dean's list for her BA, then she went to Toronto, very far from our maritime home, and did a masters degree. After being away for nearly 2 years she came home and did a third degree.
She has become a strong and independent woman who I respect as much as I love. I've learnt to trust that I daughter her and prepared her for the world of adulthood and I don't second guess her decisions about her life.
My point is, we all doubt we have done enough as parents to prepare our kids for what they will face in the world, but most of us realize we did a good job, and we can relax. No matter where our children end up, we will always worry about them, it's a side effect of loving them as much as we do. But our kids learn to be responsible for their own choices. As mom's we know we will always be there for them, and as long as they know this, they will do what's right for them because they know they have our support.
I wish your daughter a wonderful future and I hope she enjoys university. When it's over, real life begins and it can be brutal. Just make sure she know you will always have her back and be there to support her and she will be fine. 🤗😊