We're All Kristi's Dog Cricket, and the United States is Noem’s Gravel Pit

🎵 Hate me today. Hate me tomorrow. Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you. Hate me in ways..ways hard to swallow. Hate me so you can finally see what's good for you - Blue October, "Hate Me"

Hi I’m Kristi, I’m Committing A War Crime For A Photo Op

Article 14 of the Geneva Convention “precludes any treatment during detention that humiliates prisoners”

I feel like murdering the 14-month old puppy in a gravel pit for “misbehaving” really should’ve been a sign Kristi Noem shouldn’t run Homeland Security. I mean, animal cruelty is a method therapists use to determine psychopathy in children, as it displays impulsivity, a total lack of empathy, abuse of societal norms and the kinda sick bloodlust she shares with someone else with whom you’re all too familiar.

Yet, Noem is, in theory, an adult. Sure, one whose face seems like a Superfund site for a botulism outbreak. And who seemingly tried to infect us all with COVID by removing all restrictions at South Dakota’s Sturgis motorcycle rally during the height of the spread of coronavirus (annnd..it shockingly became a super-spreader event).

Though, in Noem’s defense, Norman Bates said, "It's not like my mother is a maniac or a raving thing. She just goes a little mad sometimes. We all go a little mad sometimes. Haven't you?" Ok, that was a bad example. How about “all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy?” Yeah, that also…doesn’t help.

Well, in any case, welcome to Kristi Noem’s America—where the Department of Homeland Security is no longer about protecting Americans from threats, but posing the biggest threat (which even Trump allies are beginning to acknowledge!). In fact, lately, DHS has been turning the whole damn country into a boot camp of cruelty, criminality and constant attacks on the U.S. Constitution.

Let’s go back to the adorable little dog she killed for a second. Noem didn’t just heartlessly execute a cute canine companion. She bragged about it. In her book. As a leadership anecdote. Kristi wanted you to know she enjoyed pulling that trigger. On innocence. On compassion. On a tiny, yapping puppy who just wanted to chase birds.

If that’s not a metaphor for the abject cruelty of the The Trump Administration, I don’t know what is.

So, it follows that Noem isn’t prioritizing homeland security. I’m not sure she even knows its meaning. Like habeas corpus, which she thinks is an Ecuadorian offshoot of MS-13. Instead of safety and security, Noem’s turned the agency into the rabid attack dog she always wanted Cricket to be. To pursue political foes and redefine “public safety” as “protecting conservative snowflake feelings.”

What used to be an department that (at least on paper) coordinated against foreign and domestic threats at home now has a new mission: purity enforcement. It’s what Project 2025 wants. It’s what Trump wants. It’s what Noem the narcissist, a dangerous amateur who thinks every public appearance is a costume ball, is eager to deliver.

She wants to throw the Constitution in a shallow pit and put a bullet in it, with the same, cold Cricket grin. Because, this is about what happens when sadism becomes a qualification for public service. When loyalty to low-rent Cosa Nostra means more than the rule of law. When our fake tough guy President, a giant bone spur with a jello gelatin physique, has turned blowing away a defenseless dog into a resume builder.

Tony MichaelsJun 12

Sen. Alex Padilla handcuffed and detained after challenging DHS Secretary Kristi Noem — democracy just took another hit in LA.

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In other words: We’re all Cricket now.

Noem’s had ICE assault and/or arrest Congress members and a Mayor for, uh..walking. And..talking. She refuses to answer questions when in front of Congress. Noem just issued a regulation requiring elected officials to provide 24 hours notice before inspecting ICE facilities—a violation of their constitutional-oversight role. But, if it makes you feel better, Kristi doesn’t just commit crimes against the Constitution:

South Dakota Gov. Kristi Noem’s daughter received unusual treatment in an application for her real estate appraiser license, including an extra opportunity to obtain it after failing to meet federal requirements, the former director of a state appraiser agency told lawmakers Tuesday.

So, yeah, she’s drowning in depravity as if she were on the Titanic. Though, sadly, in this scenario, Rose chucked Jack and discovered the extra door-space for Noem. A dingy would’ve been more appropriate.

Because, in Kristi Noem’s DHS, we’re all being judged not based on any real threat we may pose, but by our obedience to the mushroom dic-tator. If we step outta line, bark at the wrong billionaire, or, say, try to share truth instead of Putin points, there may be a gravel pit waiting for us. Metaphorically, for now. At least for U.S. citizens.

So we fight for our neighbors, friends and family who aren’t so lucky, because what Noem’s doing right now is some serious brownshirt shit. But also because, if not, it only gets worse. So, it Newton time, in particular, his Third Law of Motion:

For every action, an equal and opposite reaction. Meaning when object 1 pushes object 2, object 1 gets pushed back with equal force in the opposite direction

Noem started with immigrants to see how much terrorism we’d stomach. Every time we look away, say nothing, normalize the detached degradation of who and what we are as a people, Noem will see it as a sign and push fascism further into the gravel pit.

Because not only is Kristi Noem an utterly awful human being. She’s one sick puppy.

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THIS WEEK ON AMPED UP:

On this week’s Amped Up, Cliff and David were joined by NYU historian and authoritarianism expert Dr. Ruth Ben-Ghiat, and let’s just say—if you weren’t nervous about America’s flirtation with fascism before…you may be now.

From Mussolini to MAGA, Ruth laid out disturbing parallels between historical strongmen and Trump’s tyranny. What we’re witnessing isn't random chaos—but a calculated dismantling of democracy. Yet, the discussion wasn’t all doom and gloom.

Ruth sees hope in the growing protest movement, the legal system’s still pushing back and signs of elite defection, and Republican-on-Republican violence over a potential war with Iran, which she explains in more precise detail.

From the quiet defiance of the military to the power of youth-led politics and Gen Z’s bullshit radar, the episode was a reminder democracy ain’t dead, but it is on life support. So we’re all the defibrillator, and Ruth explains in the livestream how we do that.

Fascism: Here To Stay? How Do We End It?

…Yo, Check This Out!

TIMELINE: Trump’s Rejected Takeover of the California National Guard

• June 7, 2025 – Trump issues memo federalizing 2,000 National Guard troops in response to L.A. unrest after ICE raids.

• June 9, 2025 – Trump signs second memo adding 2,000 more troops, bypassing Gov. Newsom’s authority.
  → First time since 1965 president federalized state Guard w/out governor consent.

• June 12, 2025 – U.S. District Judge Charles Breyer grants California a temporary restraining order (TRO) to return control of the Guard to the state.

• Later that day – The 9th Circuit Court of Appeals stays the TRO, allowing Trump to keep the troops under federal command temporarily.

• June 19, 2025 – A three-judge 9th Circuit panel extends the stay, ruling:

  • Trump likely acted within legal bounds under 10 U.S.C. § 12406

  • BUT courts can review federalization decisions for bad faith or absurdity

  • California’s concerns were “too speculative” to override Trump’s authority

• Next steps:

  • Further District Court proceedings expected

  • California may seek a full 9th Circuit (en banc) review

  • Supreme Court challenge remains possible

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🐱 KITTY PIC! - Steve wanted to go with us!

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🎥 VIDEO ON DEMAND! - Some Mike Lee Sociopathy

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The Blue Letter will be back Monday!