Trump, the Tin-Pot Tyrant of the Tee Box
A man so pathetic, so filled with self-loathing, envy, jealousy, such a Grand Canyon of emptiness inside, he's President of the United States and still has to cheat at golf
Independent Media Just .26/day With Paid-Community-Member Benefits!
Connect With Us: Weekly AMA w Cliff & David! Comment on all content and DM us
Behind The Velvet Rope: Insider stories, behind the scenes video, including bloopers
Deserved Recognition: Shout-outs during our weekly show, “Amped Up w/ Cliff Schecter”
Save Democracy: Support our Soundcheck Fund to create an ecosystem of independent media—free of corporate control—to Save our Democracy
By David Shuster
Somewhere amidst the hills of Turnberry, where brave Scots once clashed and bled for concepts like honor and dignity, a man lacquered in orange foundation and stuffed in an armored golf cart recently declared himself victorious—over truth, etiquette, and the concept of par.
Yes, Donald J. Trump, the golf world's self-anointed Hercules of the Handicap, has added another golden feather to his cap—a cap, one assumes, that was marked “Make Mulligans Great Again.” According to multiple reports and videos, the President of these Disunited States trampled the rules of golf like a rhinoceros loose on the 18th green.
Trump moved his ball not once, not twice, but habitually. Shots were reimagined, distances conveniently forgotten, and scores reported with the same fidelity Trump brought to inauguration crowd sizes and net worth declarations.
Trump waddled across Turnberry like an overweight duck, proclaiming imaginary eagles while his playing partners blinked into the wind. Cameras captured some of Trump’s cheating.
Including the surreal moment his own caddie pulled a ball out of a pocket and threw it onto the fairway, safely away from a sandy bunker Trump had targeted like an expert. The hosts of CBS News This Morning openly laughed at Trump and his co-conspirator, with one anchor declaring, “come on, you can’t be doing that.”
Let’s be clear. The game of golf, admittedly a pastime for the idle rich, is governed by a code of honor. A golfer keeps his or her own score and plays the ball where it lies.
A true golfer does not helicopter into the rough, kick his ball back onto the fairway with the discretion of a Clydesdale, and then claim a birdie with the sanctimony of a choirboy. But truth and Donald Trump have never been close enough to be a golf pairing.
A few years ago, Sportswriter Rick Reilly wrote a book titled “Commander in Cheat”— based on the author’s interviews with Trump caddies. Trump’s own employees noted Trump cheats all the time and said Trump kicks his golf balls into better positions so frequently that the caddies call Trump, “Pele,” as in the soccer star.
It is a marvel, truly, how Trump reduces every field of human endeavor to a con game. Whether it’s real estate, politics, or a gentleman’s game in the Scottish breeze, Trump arrives and deploys the same behavior: bluster, fraud, and a pathological allergy to losing.
One imagines Trump at the Battle of Bannockburn, insisting the Scots had surrendered because he said so, and awarding himself a Medal of Honor for “tremendous courage under metaphorical fire.”
The golf ball, like the truth, remains indifferent to Trump’s wishes. And yet he bludgeons both with equal enthusiasm. He is the first man in history to lose at golf while insisting he won, to claim the moral high ground while knee-deep in bunkers of his own making.
If golf reveals character, then Trump is a man whose soul resembles a water hazard: shallow, murky, and surrounded by warning signs.
Thankfully, the game of golf has survived far worse than Trump. Golf has persevered despite titanium drivers, reality TV, and even Patrick Reed.
What matters is that we, the public, remember what the Scots knew long ago. The wind may howl and the liars may bluster, but in the end the scorecard doesn’t lie. Only Donald Trump does.
Clad in Titleist and swinging a club over the graves of decency and decorum—and his first wife, Ivana; yes, her obviously sentimental burial was on his golf course in Bedminster, NJ—Donald Trump is not a golfer. He is a cheat.
David Shuster is an Emmy award winning broadcast journalist who is best known for his work at NBC News and as an anchor MSNBC. He is a contributor to Blue Amp Substack and co-host of our weekly show (Thursdays, 2pm et, on Substack), “Amped Up w/ Cliff Schecter.”
Paid-Community
Benefits!
Connect With Us: Weekly AMA w Cliff & David! Comment on all content and DM us
Behind The Velvet Rope: Insider stories, behind the scenes video, including bloopers
Deserved Recognition: Shout-outs during our weekly show, “Amped Up w/ Cliff Schecter”
Save Democracy: Support our Soundcheck Fund to create an ecosystem of independent media—free of corporate control—to Save our Democracy
David drills the fat felon with a 5 iron. Hilarious commentary on a low life. His insecurity makes Nixon look like a Medal of Honor winner. The fat boy is a disgrace as a man and a tragedy as a President. Great commentary David.
Trump is a duffer in everything he attempts. Walks like a duck.