Tim Walz & Other Dem Governors Tell Pam Bondi to Get Bent
Attorney general warned 35 Democratic officials to get rid of immigration "sanctuaries" and they just responded that she can get bent
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Gov. Tim Walz (D-MN) and Boston Mayor Michelle Wu during an Aug. 15, 2024, campaign appearance in Boston. (Uncredited / Facebook photo.)
Cliffâs Note: This guest column originally appeared at âThe Fucking News,â the Substack of journalist Jonathan Larsen, Be prepared, thereâll be âFucksâ in this piece, as itâs written in a satirical style I fully endorse, and think is sorely needed right now. Larsenâs a veteran of ABC, CNN and MSNBC, where he served as exec producer of Up with Chris Hayes.
Thirty-five states and cities just told Attorney General Pam Bondi to fuck off and to do it all the way. Last week, Bondi wrote to them ordering them to start helping Pres. Donald Trumpâs hunt for immigrants including by dropping so-called sanctuary laws prohibiting such help.
Responses to Bondi obtained by Politico show Democratic leaders telling Bondi she can stick her demands up her sanctuary for poop.
Bondi claimed falsely that U.S. law requires states and municipalities to do whatever executive branch officials tell them to do, including task police and other law enforcement to help out with Trumpâs bullshit immigrant hunt.
Bondi threatened retribution â including prosecution and less funding for everything except federal forces in the streets â against states that donât comply.
The 35 responses Politico obtained ranged in tone from âfuck offâ to âkindly fuck off pursuant to relevant statute.â
Bondi had given a deadline of Tuesday for state and local leaders to respond and Politico reported on their substance on Wednesday.
Hereâs how Gov. Tim Walz (D-MN), the former vice presidential candidate, politely closes his letter informing Bondi that off is how she can fuck:
That the federal government would insist that Minnesota should divert state resources to do the federal government's job or help effectuate some kind of misguided political agenda is fundamentally inconsistent with our founding principles as a nation.
I firmly believe that securing our border does not mean we sacrifice our constitutional values; I urge you to join me in rejecting that false choice.
Befitting a college town, Boston Mayor Michelle Wu got all academic on Bondiâs ass in her own letter. Wu tried teaching the nationâs top law-enforcement officer about laws. And history:
The City of Boston follows the law â local, state, and federal. The United States Constitution establishes that local governments, closest to the people, hold the authority to enact public safety policies without the threat of unlawful interference from the federal government.
The Founding Fathers included these protections as a direct result of the attempted coercion of Boston by an unaccountable and distant monarch, and this city's refusal to bow down to tyranny.
And in case remote learning of American history wasnât enough, Wu took Bondi to school:
This federal administration's false and continuous attacks on American cities and millions of our residents are unprecedented. You have eliminated health care and food assistance for our families; unlawfully cancelled grants for our schools and roads; slashed funding for our universities, hospitals, and research institutions; and deployed military personnel to occupy our streets.
These attacks all come back to a common aim: the Trump Administration seeks to divide, isolate, and intimidate our cities, and make Americans fearful of one another.
The Democratic leaders who advised Bondi on her off-fucking options include Govs. Bob Ferguson (D-WA), Kathy Hochul (D-NY), Tina Kotek (D-OR), Gavin Newsom (D-CA), and JB Pritzker (D-IL), and Mayors Eric Adams (New York City), Ravi Bhalla (Hoboken), Malik D. Evans (Rochester, NY), Bruce Harrell (Seattle) and Mike Johnston (Denver).
Since cities and states donât get to make immigration policy, forcing them to fund it with taxpayer dollars would be weirdly similar to taxation without representation. Which, history tells us, is capable of inspiring revolution.
Of course, itâs not just the legal and constitutional principles at work here. There are reasons cities and states donât maximize every opportunity to go after undocumented immigrants. For one thing, there might simply be better things for cops to do: Like pursue actual criminals in the hope that Trump wonât pardon them or cover up their crimes like he did with Jeffrey Epstein.
Also, turning cops into immigration stormtroopers hurts communities. Not just by tearing apart the law-abiding fabric of those communities, aka humans, but also by sowing fear of law enforcement, discouraging cooperation on crimefighting that actually affects peace and safety.
In other words, officials cooperating with Trump are shredding their communities and helping actual criminals (mostly citizens!) evade detection.
Bondi herself appears to be committing legal no-nos, albeit not as dire as her felonious bossâs record.
Interestingly, it was two cities that put Bondi on notice about a possible ethics violation on top of her mountain of ethics violations. Hoboken, NJ, and Rochester, NY, told Bondi that because sheâs already suing their mayors it was unethical for her to communicate directly with those mayors and not with their counsel, without counselâs permission.
Bhalla of Hoboken literally responded, âI am requesting that you immediately cease and desist all direct communication with meâ on this issue.
Hilariously, the overworked and newly dumb Justice Department said that because âevery letter was addressed to the legal representative of the official responsible for these dangerous sanctuary policies, there is no basis for any complaint.â
The letters were actually ccâed to counsel, but the Justice Department misses the entire point: They didnât seek counselâs permission to communicate directly with the local leaders theyâre suing. So this may end up before some unlucky bar association somewhereâŠ
âŠJust like Bondiâs attempt to enforce Trumpâs unconstitutional commandeering of state and local resources is gonna land her in court. Where she doesnât have enough good lawyers to defend her.
And itâs not just unethics, itâs ineptitude. Reportedly, Bondi has named sanctuaries that donât even have sanctuary laws. In some cases, frantically revising her lists after her fuck-ups were fact-fucked.
And remember, members of Congress, no matter what party, are supposed to represent their constituents in these areas. Upholding the Constitution as they vowed to do includes guarding the checks-and-balances autonomy of states and cities.
BUT WAIT, THEREâS MORE!âŠ
Putin Adds Vicious Noogie-ing to Recent Trump Swirly
Not done humiliating Pres. Donald Trump by publicly urinating on everything Trump proudly announced after his Ukraine summits on Friday and Monday, Russia yesterday took away all of Trumpâs participation trophies and refused to give them back.
Specifically, Russian Pres. Vladimir Putin is not only saying no to a face-to-face sit-down with Ukrainian Pres. Volodymyr Zelenskyy, heâs now pooping on those security guarantees that Trump thought Putin was gonna let him give Ukraine.
âItâs been explicitly stated: NO NATO troops as peacekeepers. Russia wonât accept such a âsecurity guaranteeâ,â former Russian president Dmitry Medvedev wrote. Also, Russian Foreign Minister Sergei Lavrov said Russia wants veto power over any measures Trump and Europe come up with for Ukraineâs future defense against Russiaâs future offense.
Historians may recall that the Trump administration defended his Friday summit with Putin â despite not getting a ceasefire first â because it was important to find out what Putin wants. And yet, despite supposedly finding that out at the summit, Russiaâs still fucking around, meaning Trump has now achieved the first recorded reversal of the traditional process of fucking around and then finding out.
Trump is now expected to threaten sanctions and maybe give Putin two weeks to clarify what he wants.
FLASHBACK So, um, what the zorching fuck did Trump and Putin even talk about on Friday? Jeffrey Epstein?
Thank you for such a good laugh, your fuck-fest of words really made good fun out of some really upsetting shit going on here. Fucketyfuckfuckfuck.
Great post! Kudos to the Dem officials telling Bondi to fuck off.