The Infantile Republic of Vance

Baby-Face Vance, the irrepressible meme, has The Trump Administration Angry. Maybe they need a Binky to calm down

by David Shuster

In January, Vice President J.D. Vance—an orator of such dazzling shallowness one wonders how he stays afloat—declared with the fervor of a creepy preacher, “I want more babies in the United States of America.” Lo and behold, the internet delivered – by turning Vance into one.”

The meme was swift, merciless, and viral: Vance with some cherubic cheeks and Vance in a propeller beanie (this one was my favorite) and Vance in the Oval Office with a Nerf gun and a pout. What began as one man’s joke on social media metastasized into a nationwide spectacle.

Baby Vance was born—and he would not stop crying.

By most accounts, this comedy began last October, when one Dave McNamee made a sacred covenant with his mob of followers on X: for every hundred likes they gave his JD-baby creations, McNamee would render Vance ever more baby-faced.

The the mob obliged with ferocity.

By the time the overall spectacle of baby Vances reached 16 million likes, Vance had been transformed from a Peter-Thiel-funded Senate mediocrity and Peter-Thiel-supported Trump running mate to full-blown cartoon homunculus. The laughs were many and the memes kept on coming.

This entire episode might have passed into the annals of internet ephemera. Yet, Vance’s incredible talent for embarrassing himself in the White House (and, really, outside the White House) ensured it was kept alive.

In February, during a visit from President Volodymyr Zelensky of Ukraine—whose country is still under the grinding heel of war with a vicious tyrant in Vladimir Putin—Vance threw a tantrum worthy of a teething toddler. J.D. demanded to know, again and again and again, if the Ukrainian leader had sufficiently thanked Donald Trump (pause here to cringe for a moment if you must).

As if international diplomacy and the protection of a sovereign nation from an illegal attack on its citizens were some kind of preschool birthday party, and gratitude a juice box. Social media, bless its heart, took its cue and ran amok.

One viral gem depicted Baby Vance demanding, “Pwease and tank you, Mistow Zensky,” in the tone of a particularly needy diaper advertisement. For weeks, the images kept coming —Vance with a lollipop, Vance with Nerf gun, Vance in the Oval Office looking like a some kind of cross between Elmer Fudd and Mussolini’s grandson.

But like all farces, under the rule of deeply-insecure, humor-challenged authoritarians—especially ones who’ve made a mantra out of hating immigrants, the gag has turned grim.

At Newark Airport recently, agents of Emperor Trump’s Customs & Border Protection shock force detained Mads Mikkelsen, a Norwegian tourist whose crime was not terrorism, nor smuggling, nor even an excess of civility. No—his only crime it turned out was possessing, on his phone, the image of Baby Vance. Time to go to “Death-Con 3!”, you can hear Kanye West screaming.

The agents denied Mikkelsen entry into the United States, sending him back to Oslo. Really.

The Trump administration, never one to miss an opportunity for deception, insisted the deportation was due to “admitted drug use.” By which they mean Mikkelsen admitted smoking marijuana. A substance legal in Trump’s home state of Florida, current home in Washington, D.C., and former home of New York.

Mikkelsen, for his part, called Trump’s bs what it plainly is: a lie. He says that he acknowledged having smoked marijuana twice in his lifetime, and insists the agents told him directly that the cause of his exile from our shores was his disrespectful digital portrait of our android Vice President as a pink-cheeked man-child that was found on his cell phone.

In that moment, the Trump crowd proved that the the meme was nothing if not the absolute truth. This is not an administration—it’s a nursery. Its leaders don’t govern; they wail, whine and whimper. Trump agents don’t administer; they shriek. And they all constantly fight with each other like they’re toddlers on a playground.

And when mocked, nearly all of the Trumpers on our taxpayer dime lash out with the fury of infants denied their bottle. Because this is seemingly the stage of emotional development the entire MAGA crowd has reached.

For example, this is from only two days ago:

America is now a place where mere laughing at power gets you kicked out of the country. Where memes have become a form of contraband. And where the men in charge not only can’t make a joke, but can’t take a joke—because the joke, alas, is on them.

But they are very good at one thing: their nastiness, petulance and inane and insane visa and immigration policies is ensuring that tourism crashes. Well, at least that isn’t an important part of the economy in any states they govern (good luck, DeSantis!).

So mind your memes, my friends. In the land of liberty, it is now become daring and even dangerous to laugh too loudly, especially at certain people clownish enough to bring it all on themselves. The ones who wear suits like men but act like tiny tots who missed their nap.

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David Shuster is an Emmy award winning broadcast journalist who is best known for his work at NBC News and as an anchor MSNBC. He is a contributor to Blue Amp Substack and our weekly show (every Thursday, 2pm et, only on Substack), “Amped Up w/ Cliff Schecter.”

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