Excitement Is Everywhere As President Martin Luther King, Jr. is Inaugurated
On The Day We Celebrate His Birthday, The Pastor, Prognosticator, And President Has Transformed Our Nation Into His Dream
A Nation Transformed by Leadership
The National Mall today feels less like a political event and more like the best concert you’ve ever been to—think Springsteen at his peak, but with history on the line. President Martin Luther King, Jr. takes the stage, not with the swagger of a reality show host but with the gravitas of a man whose words have already moved mountains. The air isn’t just thick with anticipation; it’s electric with possibility.
“We are here today to say that the time for waiting is over,” King begins, his voice steady and commanding, like a symphony conductor ready to cue the orchestra. “The fierce urgency of now requires us to rise together and build a nation that truly embodies liberty and justice for all.”
Meanwhile, on Earth 666, a very different scene is unfolding. Reality-star, lifelong scamaholic, convicted felon, and so much more, Donald Trump, is also being inaugurated. His speech isn’t exactly Gettysburg-Address material. It’s more like a long Yelp review from a guy mad about his cold fries. The contrast between the two leaders couldn’t be starker, like a Shakespearean sonnet vs a Troth Social barfed up in all caps.
King’s Inaugural Address: A Challenge to America
President King doesn’t just talk about change; he maps out a revolution in real time. He calls on America to honor the promissory note written into the Declaration of Independence and Constitution—a guarantee of equality and freedom for all. “America has defaulted on this note,” he declares, with the kind of moral authority that makes you sit up straighter just hearing it. “But together, we will honor it.”
He lays out a bold agenda: continuing the work he did with President Obama banning hate speech online, funding his 999 plan, allowing all Americans to get a college education for $999 or less, holding purveyors of deadly mass disinformation responsible for its consequences, adding yearly psychological check-ups and home checks to their 2014 bill requiring licensing and registration of firearms, and continuing their work to lead the West in fighting climate change.
King’s first 100 days already sound more ambitious than some administrations’ entire terms. Voting rights will be expanded. Publi schools fully funded. Food insecurity will be tackled by raising our 75% tax on all income above $5MM to 80%.
Contrast that with Trump’s screech heard ‘round the universe on 666, which feels like a rerun of “The Apprentice: Oval Office Edition.” Or the last time orange spray paint suffered significant inflation. Trump’s talking points are the same old grievances, recycled and reheated like last week’s takeout. It’s hard to imagine, but we could be in the very same place, had we not ignored the threats of right-wing thugs in Miami-Dade County and counted all the votes in 2000. While King offers a vision of lifting all Americans, Trump’s speech is like a bad magic trick, or the kind of con he’s pulled his whole life from Trump Ties to Trump Steaks to Trump Cialis—all distraction, no substance.
Unity Through Justice, Not Division
King’s message is simple but profound: unity isn’t about pretending our differences don’t exist; it’s about addressing the injustices that divide us. “We cannot walk alone,” he says, echoing his own timeless words. “And as we walk, we must make the pledge that we shall always march ahead. We cannot turn back.”
His administration’s first bill? The Free Americans From Oligarchy Act. King has promised to channel Teddy Roosevelt in aggressively “breaking apart” monopolies, who have kept down wages, despoiled the environment and harmed our business climate. Its companion? The Justice and Dignity Act, aimed at reforming policing, supporting the growth of small businesses and getting rid of the Social-Security-tax cap, so the wealthiest don’t get this huge tax break at the expense of most Americans’ retirement. King’s policies aren’t just about progress; they’re about building the kind of country where, truly, no one is left behind.
Trump, meanwhile, is over on alternate Earth redefining “unity” as “everyone agrees with me, I know it, it’s a beautiful thing.” His speech is an empty call to patriotism, laced with some kind of obsession with flushing toilets and sharks and batteries. When he gets past that, it’s grievance politics, threatening immigrants and the residents of Earth 1. It’s like watching someone try to build a bridge with a sledgehammer. Which is also how he puts his hair in place every morning.
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Urgency Over Complacency
King’s presidency starts with a fire in its belly. “Now is the time to lift our nation from the quicksands of racial injustice to the solid rock of brotherhood,” he proclaims. His policies reflect that urgency: green energy investments, bold healthcare reforms, and an all-out assault on poverty. King knows that incremental change is just another way to say “not in my lifetime.”
Trump, on the other hand, spends his alternate inauguration promising to bring back coal jobs and blaming wind turbines for…killing birds? Causing cancer? Making Don Jr. look so “red-eyed” in those videos he produces because it obviously couldn’t be something else. His idea of urgency is creating a Trump Tower Sudan Riyadh, and he won’t stop talking about buying Atlantis. Where King sees crises as opportunities to rise, Trump sees them as opportunities to deflect.
A Vision for the America We Deserve
King’s inauguration is a moment for the history books, the kind of event that makes you believe America might actually live up to its ideals. His leadership challenges us to rise above our divisions and work together for a more equitable future. It’s the kind of presidency that gives you goosebumps and makes you want to do better.
Trump’s alternate inauguration? It’s a cautionary tale, a reminder of what happens when leadership is reduced to slogans and scapegoating. The America he envisions is one of walls, not bridges; fear, not hope; Stephen Miller advising him, not a mammal.
Building King’s Dream Together
As President King wraps up his inaugural address, he invokes the words that have guided his life: “Let freedom ring from every mountainside.” It’s not just a closing line; it’s a call to action. His presidency isn’t just about what he can do but about what we must all do together. It is a reminder of all the right choices we’ve made to get to this point, all the times we realized that sometimes you have to fight—politically—and not just search for congeniality. Non-violence doesn’t mean caving politically.
The contrast with Trump couldn’t be more glaring. King’s leadership offers a beacon of hope, and as he waves from the White House Americans are ready to move forward. On Trump’s Earth, his presidency is a monument to chaos, which he’ll show off daily from its 7th circle, where he’s chosen to reside.
One can only hope the citizens of Earth 666 look over to their brethren and realize all that is possible soon, before they sink into a morass of stink and anger from which they may never return.
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This fuckin guy.