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By Cliff Schecter — April 10, 2026

Is Donald Trump effectively paying Iran Protection Money in the Strait of Hormuz? Bowing down like he owns a jewelry or coat business on the corner of Delancey and Ridge and Meyer Lansky or John Gotti just came swashbuckling in to remind him how kerosene and fire interact?

Because, let’s face it, the man should beg for forgiveness--not to murderous Irani Mullahs. But dead U.S. soldiers, murdered Iranian schoolgirls, U.S. farmers, gas prices, good taste, those possessing an IQ in excess of 85, and probably most other people alive.

Because among a long list of just flat-out, head-buried-in-feces, stupid-arse things the untreated gonorrhea goon has done, this may just be the dumbest. How do you go from free shipping through the Strait of Hormuz to a giant toll like we’re stuck in Blazing Saddles? I give you the presidency of Donald J. Trump.

So as Iran now enacts tolls on global shipping via one of the world’s key oil chokepoints, this story just got a lot bigger: it’s no longer about just his warmongering or changing the subject from himself and his billionaire predator friends in the Epstein files. It’s about global leverage, oil prices, shipping extortion, and Trump’s unbelievable, pathetic, physical and intellectual febrility.

Imagine if someone told you a few weeks ago, when this mentally and morally blighted ignoramus started a war for no reason, that Iran would now be charging $2 million on ships passing thru the Strait of Hormuz? Effectively boosting its economy by 15%--which I’m sure won’t be used on enriching uranium as Trump tore up the agreement that was preventing that--as American consumers foot the bill?

We were doing just fine. But that’s when Trump always steps in to do what he does...what he’s done his whole life. Which is fuck everything up.

It’s sort of impressive how badly this dolt can screw things in no time. Like the man has a gift for ensuring everything crossing is his path is demonstrably worse than when he arrived. To quote, well, myself, from the show, “just a wholly absurd outcome for a wholly absurd president who engaged in a wholly unnecessary attack.”

The ultimate checkmate. For the man with the ultimate checkered history of failure as a lifestyle choice.

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Buy Cliff & Joe a Shot of Tequila!

Cliff’s Note: From my new weekly show w/ Joe Walsh, Tequila Talk, which you must watch every Thursday 6pm et. We both imbibe a drink we love, tell funny stories & connect the tequila of the day to our current politics.

Tequila Talk w/ Joe Walsh & Cliff Schecter

The year 1800 in U.S. politics was a special one for a number of reasons particularly relevant today. Joe and I explained why, and I’m about to be redundant below, like Trump getting Hepatitis B. But let’s take a step back for just a minute.

There’s something poetic about 1800 Tequila taking its name from the year tequila producers first began aging the spirit in oak casks—a year, coincidentally, Chuck Grassley also began aging himself in an oak cask. I digress.

Before that, tequila was raw, immediate, a punch to the senses. But aging it in oak? That added depth, character, patience. Time became an ingredient.

The brand leans into its history—11 generations of one family rooted in Jalisco, Mexico—built on 100% blue Weber agave, tied to the moment when craft met maturation. 1800 ain’t a random date on a bottle, friends. It’s about refinement. What happens when something fiery’s forced to sit still long enough to develop complexity.

American History: 1800

Now here’s where American history wanders into the cantina. 1800 wasn’t just oak barrels in Mexico. It was the first peaceful transfer of power between political parties in the United States—as John Adams tossed the keys to bitter rival, Thomas Jefferson, after the latter prevailed. It may not seem revolutionary, but in a world of coups, crowns, and guillotines, to quote Joe Biden, it was a “BFD.”

Our young republic proved it could survive partisan rage without grabbing muskets—unlike Jim Jordan, guy in “Camp Auschwitz” sweatshirt, googly-eyed Kash Patel, the QAnon Shaman, and our bloated, goat-carcass president 220 years later, and 1,500 anti-social “friends.”

It was democracy aged in oak instead of exploding in gunpowder.

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1800 marked another transition: the federal government moved from Philadelphia to the newly constructed capital of Washington, D.C. The capital had been in New York City in our early years, but the Founders wanted to separate financial from political power after watching Europe’s elite, cocksure cretins blend the two into a hangman’s cocktail of corruption. They didn’t want Wall Street and Congress sharing a lunch table.

Money Is Bad For Good Government

This is why, of course, they forged the Foreign Emoluments Clause (Article 1, Section 9, Clause 8), and the Domestic Emoluments Clause (Article II, Section 1 Clause 7). The ones providing crystal clarity about the illegality of enriching yourself via government service. Or the very opposite of everything Donald Trump and The Greater Grifting Trump Mar-a-Lago Hillbillies have done.

It’s worth noting “oversight” at Congress has been DOA because Trump’s trusty butler, Speaker Mike Johnson, has ignored his constitutional role the smooch Trump’s elephantine buttocks. Also Johnson, in his defense, is super busy monitoring his son’s porn.

Also, The Appropriations Clause specifically says:

No Money shall be drawn from the Treasury, but in Consequence of Appropriations made by Law.

This is supposed to ensure that a president can’t just snort up taxpayer funds for whatever program he/she wants—but also so they can’t pocket it. That hasn’t halted Trump from laundering as much booty as he can fit into his clown pants, by having Secret Service and military officers pay way above market prices to rest and relax at his bed-bug resorts. And every other scam Trump’s little brain can concoct.

And finally, on top of The Appropriations Clause, we made bribing government officials illegal, which hasn’t stopped this administration. But it does call into question how money can be “speech” (hint: it isn’t), unless it’s illegal to give speech to your Congressman. In other words, I’ll let you in on what scholars know: Citizens’ United is so much bunk as is the “originalism” of this Supreme Court in general.

The Great Migration…South

So the government migrated south—into what was, quite literally, a swamp along the Potomac. The symbolism writes itself. A brand-new experiment in self-government was planted in wetlands, surrounded by mud and mosquitoes, hoping their idealism would outpace nature’s decay.

Or at least somehow find a way to outlive Strom Thurmond.

So when you see “1800” on a bottle, you’re looking at more than a marketing hook. You’re looking at a year when aging in oak became a metaphor for patience. When American democracy proved it could mature without collapsing. It was the moment the republic chose ballots over bloodshed—and our capital city took root in a swamp that would, over time, become synonymous with power, ambition, and yes, corruption.

Today, those who toil in the city’s political edifices more resemble Genghis Khan than they do either John Adams or Thomas Jefferson. An American Dark Ages we must end.

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Tequila Talks About Politics

One year. Two origin stories. One about a spirit that gets better with age, and another about a nation still trying to prove its spirit can rise above those who purposefully divide it. Joe and I found a way to make Happy Hour…happy, so we could end the week with the kind of shots that don’t infest a battlefield during a civil war.

So watch Tequila Talk(!)—for the laughs and lessons!—either up at the top of the page on Substack or right below on Youtube.

Thank you , , , , , and many others for tuning into my live video with and ! Join me for my next live video in the app.

February 6, 2026

Thank you , , , , , and many others for tuning into my live video with ! Join me for my next live video in the app.

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